i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I would ride that face into the sunset
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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