i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ttyl tear gas
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
