my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
