come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
