she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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