There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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