Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
