At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
