in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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