where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
