I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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