Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
someone threw a dead crab at me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He did a backflip because drugs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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