I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.