I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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