At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?