She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'