You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.