They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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