I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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