Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
