its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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