look no pants
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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