i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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