I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
