i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
