I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
