A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
