batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
