you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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