he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
