I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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