i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
