I need to stop coming to work sober
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
