there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
time to smoke my breakfast
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
