I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
