i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
