he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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