I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
