I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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