apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
