Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
