Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
