She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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