You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
false alarm. still invincible.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
