It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
