I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
