My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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