Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
