I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
