oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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