I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
