she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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