hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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