Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize