I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
