If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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