I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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