is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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