i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
