Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
