i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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