If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
