Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
