Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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