i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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