a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
