The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
