Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
