hotel room ftw
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
