we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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